Proximity Big Brother
By Mike Ashworth | January 10, 2010
Charlie Brooker never fails to delight and he’s done it once again with this cutting commentary on this years Big Brother. Full story here.
Just a few snippets from the full article!
But this year, these talking-head character sketches were absent, replaced by short packages in which Davina patiently explained why each inmate qualified as a “celebrity”. Often the evidence consisted of photographs of them standing near other, indisputably more famous, people on a red carpet. Two of the contestants appear to have been invited to participate on the basis that they’ve been inside a famous person, and one because a famous person has been inside them. That’s not celebrity, that’s proximity. “Proximity Big Brother” actually has a nice ring to it.
So who’s in? Well, you’ve got Vinnie Jones (yawn), Alex Reid (a videogame version of Daniel Craig), Dane Bowers (nice but yawn), Lady Sovereign (a Sporty Spice keychain figurine), Basshunter (a stretched Swedish Hasselhoff), Rolling-Stone-seductress Katia (effectively a student-age Alice who’s wandered through the looking glass and into her TV), and Nicola T of “having tits” fame.
Nicola T already seems likely to establish herself as TV’s dimmest comic character since the heyday of Trigger in Only Fools And Horses.
She communicates exclusively by asking stunningly stupid questions, and always seems surprised and confused by the answer.
It’s an endearing trait, albeit one which would swiftly become somewhat grating during a day trip to the Science Museum.
Sisqo, a poor man’s Skee-Lo. Usual Suspects-actor-turned-born-again-rightwing-talk-radio-scary-man Stephen Baldwin, who looks and sounds like an escaped serial killer who, having cut off Alec Baldwin’s face with a jagged spear of glass, is currently wearing it as a mask and speaking very softly in a bid to evade the authorities. He’s the contestant most likely to perform a live, spontaneous exorcism in the house. In fact, I thought he might do precisely that when Heidi Fleiss walked in. Fleiss is spooky. She vaguely resembles Aerosmith’s Steve Tyler morphing into Jack Skellington from The Nightmare Before Christmas.
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One Response to “Proximity Big Brother”
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11:34 pm on January 10th, 2010
“[Fleiss] vaguely resembles Aerosmith’s Steve Tyler morphing into Jack Skellington from The Nightmare Before Christmas.”
Haha! I love Charlie’s similies. I remember during the celebrity in the jungle (or whatever that pash is called) he compared Joe Bugner to a cross between a pantomime lion and a scrotum. Funny guy.